Kirk's Trash Talk Page

Stalking Trash Talk

2005-05-30T07:43:00.000-07:00

I've seen better stalkings worn by the 1983 Los Angeles Lakers.
You suck at Stalking. (sorry Mike)
Oh you were stalking me I just thought you were lost over the past 4 years.
I don't care how much you like me I won't play peek a boo with you.
You have the stealth of a bull in a Nitro Glycerine Shop.
Kirk

I swear I am not stalking you.......REALLY!!!!!! I thought this was MY bathtub.....
Me

I've seen better stalks in the vegetable section at the Superstore
Tammy

i've heard of better stalking methods in a Clay Aitken song...
scottie

no, i don't want to go out with you. i'd rather slide down a bannister of razor blades and then soak in a tub of rubbing alcohol than go out with you. so you don't have to be wierd around me, ok? Ok.
you don't know me

"YOU DON'T KNOW ME" totally tried to rip off Weird Al, in a sad kind of way...we are glad "we don't know you"....At least be a smart thief! What has plagiarism come too?
maves

Running Trash Talk

2005-05-30T07:38:00.000-07:00

Running? More like walking really fast.
You run like Richard Simmons.
You are Richard Simmons.
I've seen better runners on the side of a car.
I hope you're running towards the light because you're useless here.
Kirk

you suck at running...(sigh)
rossy

Rossy I think I am beginning to a pattern with your trash talk-very original!

As for running trash talk- nice shoes, maybe you should go barefoot because the shoes sure ain't helping!
Brando Melanson

there's no pattern. i suck at trash talk.
rossy

i've seen better runns in my grandmas pantyhose
Anonymous

I've seen better runs at the hospital during influenza season........
Me

to continue with the crap pattern, "ive seen better runs in my babies diaper" well not yet, but i want to...
scotti

you run like ross perot...
scottie

If running means I have to look like you when doing it, I'll spend the rest of my life tiptoeing, thank you very much.
Tammy

You run like a girl
Kirk Perry

I've seen better running out my nasal cavity during cold season.
Kirk Perry

Running trash talk: "pffff. you call that running? kirk perry has a faster turnover than you!"
"That Laura girl"

Chess Trash Talk

2005-05-02T10:03:00.000-07:00

Nice castle I'm sure Prince Charles would approve.
I've seen better Queens at a Harvey Firestein lookalike convention.
No really please someone search for Bobby Fischer. This guy stinks.
Smooth move exlax now you're in some Deep Blue.
Kirk

the only stalemate you'll ever experience is your wife...
justin

amazing. i’ve never seen playing that is more offensive to the kibitzers than the kibitzees.
justin

woodpusher.
justin

i can take your bishop easier than your little brother does between services!
justin

Kill Whitey!!!
AJ

Good game. For future referance if you just lay down your king you could have saved yourself 2 moves.
AJ

No you can't change your move because, unlike your man part, you took your hand off.
AJ

I'll make you a deal - I'll stop trying if you'll stop sucking. (Iguess that could work for any category)
AJ

"Wow, how did you do that"
"Easy! It's a four move mate.
1. I put my pawn here.
2. Then I slide my bishop here.
3. Then I move my queen here.
4. Then I pull my foot out of you ass."
AJ

Nice move. Freddy Mercury would be proud.
Nate

Maybe we should just start calling my king "Daddy".
Nate

Tie Domi vs. Bobby Fischer:
Fischer- Check!
Domi- Check this!

Commentator-What a check by Domi, looks like we will be searching for Fischer well into the next millenium.
Brando Melanson

no you idiot i will not king you....
scottie

you suck at chess!
rossy

Fish Trash Talk

2005-04-25T08:49:00.000-07:00

1. I've seen better casts in India.
2. Oh you caught that. I thought it was your bait.
3. The only thing you're good at catching is gonnerehea. (or a cold)
Kirk

I've seen better traps from the New Jersey Devils!
Ah Confucious say, it not good to be a master baiter!
Brando Melanson

you suck at fishing
rossy

i've seen a better reel in your sister's private home video collection
justin

dharma and greg has a better cast than you
justin

Nice rod buddy! Are you compensating for something?
AJ

WOW! That was awesome - most people have to bring them into the boat before they can release them.
AJ

what's wrong with dharma and greg, i ask you?
danielle

Editor's note I realize this is not trash talk but the fact that Danielle doesn't see anything wrong with Dharma and Greg is extremely funny all on its own.

I've seen better lures from Michael Jackson.
Darren

I've seen better fly fishing by Madonna.
Kirk Perry

Is that your tackle in your hip waders or are you just happy to see me.
AJ

your so stupid that you thought you actually fished for flies...
scottie

i have seen a better line come from the mouth of mike smith...
scottie

i use bigger suckers then you for bait
doug

to call you a fish would be an insult to aquatic animals everywhere!
justin

Rapelling Trash Talk

2005-04-18T12:59:00.000-07:00

You're rappelling is repelling. (wow that one was bad)
Nice shunt!!
I've seen better descending by elephants in Disney Movies
Kirk

you suck at rapelling stuff
rossy

I love the way your harness snuggles your buttocks, I think Maves would be the best person in this sport-your so rapelling Maves! That's for Mark Croswell, my hero!
Brandon Melanson

Your mom's a good belay.
Nathan

you bounce like kirk perry...
some may need the story to get that one....
scottie

Very good Nathan. I giggled.
You're so stupid you bought your crampons at the drug store.
I've seen better descending by the Habs in the standings.
Kirk Perry

Good one Kirk! -concerning the Habs.
Nice Helmet!
Brando Melanson

do us all a favor and rappell without a rope.
rossy

Ya know, laughing at these makes me fear for my own sanity...
You rappelled? And all this time I thought it was only your face that could do that!
Tammy

I've seen my own turd drop more gracefully than that
As I watch you make your way down the sheer rock face of this mountain I can't help but think " I bet he has a boyfriend"
I've seen better falling at a Benny Hinn crusade
AJ

Using "Mark Croswell" and " My Hero" in the same sentence is rappelling gone wrong!
...anyone who's met Mark will understand and I appologize to those who have met him...
Aj Watches his turds fall...that's bent over Reppelling....upside down....oh the image of Aj with his head between his hole! I love it!
Maves

Editor's Note the above is not really trash talk but it makes me giggle nonetheless.

Ballroom Dancing Trash Talk

2005-04-11T06:26:00.000-07:00

Fox Trot!!! More like a fox with the trots.
I've seen better movements in my toilet bowl.
Call the paramedics thry're having a seizure.
I've seen better dancing on stage during the 80's (Danzing was an 80's big hair metal band)
Kirk

So did you learn those moves before or after you came out of the closet?
AJ

you suck at dancing stuff! yaaaaay!
rossy

you have the co-ordination of a retarded mosquito.
rossy

i've seen better lifts from your gramma's brazier!
justin

i've seen drops executed more smoothly in truck stop bathroom stalls.
justin

i know poker-playing geriatrics that could out-shuffle and out-hustle you any day.
justin

I've seen better Salsa in No Name brands and better Drops in amateur skydiving!
Brando Melanson

uh.....i'm not sure i want to know how you do a one person tango.
ap

I've seen better spinning on CNN.
You Samba like Yo Mama!!
Kirk Perry

since when did ballroom dancing become a full contact sport buddy?
scottie

two kids watching there parents dance:
1st Boy: "My dad's a better dancer than your dad!"
2nd Boy "Ya, there's something to be proud of!!"
tt

Cha Cha more like "La Dee Freakin' Dah"
Kirk Perry

Ballroom more like Bat Room
Kirk Perry

Oooh, nice moves! Who was your choreographer? Elaine Benes?
djc

No, no, I'm being serious this time. I really want to know your choreographer. How do you get in touch with Stephen Hawking?
djc

is that dancing or a national geographic documentry?
rossy

i've seen better dip at a superbowl party...
scottie

Spelling Bee Trash Talk

2005-04-01T07:15:00.000-08:00

I've got your word origin right here.
I've seen better spellings on 90210.
Yes K-A -T. What are you a Hab fan?
Kirk

Your word is "crap"
Can you use it in a sentence?
Yes - You can't spell worth "crap".

Here is an alternate pronunciation - You suck at spelling!
AJ

You spell as well as my dead rotting cat.
Kirk Perry

Spell THIS!
Whitey

Spelling more like jumbling you Asian freak.
Kirk Perry

The only person who spells worse than you is Mike Ross.
Paul

Hoo kares if yu kan spel, mi spelcheker duz jus fyne!
Brandon Melanson

I..... I got nuthin'.
rossy

SPELLING Bee? More like SMELLING Bee!
Whitey

Remeber - it's "i" before "e" except when you spell it retard!
AJ

I've seen better pronounciations at a stuttering convention.
Kirk Perry

I've seen pentecostals with a better grasp of the english language than you
AJ

bees... honey...stings...i still got nuthin. aj stole "you suck at spelling" so...
rossy

Ok I know this is slightly off topic but if I was marketing an all spelling bee TV network I would invent this character to be our spokesman who is a total geek but an amazing speller and because of that he is absolutely irresistible to women and they flock to him because of his spelling bee prowess and the slogan would be "you catch more honeys with bees"
AJ

I see Johnny that you have soiled yourself. I guess you got your vowells and bowells mixed up.
Kirk

You spell worse than me!!
tt |

Equestrian Trash Talk

2005-03-24T05:00:00.000-08:00

15 hands I only see 4 hooves.
You're supposed to jump the fence not tackle it.
I've seen better jumping at a Three Season Ant Concert.
Nice mane shame about the face.
That ride was so lame they should shoot the rider.
Kirk

Too bad you don't get points for every beam you knock off.
AJ

Yo horse is so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!
TT

That horse runs about as straight as Nathan Smith's ... ahh forget it.
That horse's lice can jump higher than it can.
AJ

kirk perry has a bigger verticle than your horse...
scottie

nice friggin' horse buddy
rossy

Kirk Perry has a bigger SOMETHING! But I dont' tell secrets!
maves

...and the horse you rode in on.
rossy

you suck at horse stuff.
rossy

I've had boxers that ride better than your horse.
Darren

I've seen better gallops during election polling.
I've seen better rides at Upper Clemons Park.
Kirk Perry

My jockey is bigger than yours
I've seen better jumps by a midget on a poodle
The bad news: today your horse dissapointed hundreds of gamblers
The good news: tomorrow your horse will bring joy to hundreds of school children
AJ

I have seen better jumps in the special olympics!
Darrick Lareva

Curling Trash Talk

2005-03-16T05:49:00.000-08:00

Hurry Hard more like not hurrying at all.
I've seen better sweeping at a cattle barn.
I've seen better inturns during the Clinton administration.
Kirk

you couldn't perform a take out from a chinese restaurant.
ap

I've seen better shots at an innoculation party.
Kirk Perry

I've seen better skipping at Jump-Rope-For-Heart.
Darren

What sport do you think you are playing? Curling or senior's shuffleboard?
Darren

I've seen better skips in Skippy Peanut Butter!
TT

i've seen better roks at a quarey .....
scottie

You slide like my sandpaper covered Uncle Gerry.
Kirk Perry

Yo momma goes to curling.
TT

i've seen better stones in a uninary track

i've seen better shots at a frat party
scottie

Oh I'll hit your rocks all right...
AJ

Curling more like straight ahead.
anonymous

I'll show you what you can do with your hammer.
angry monk

I have seen better rock pushing come out of East Harlem!
Darrick Lareva